The 10 Worst Game Nintendo Ever Published

The 10 Worst Games Nintendo Ever Published
by Charlie Reneke
trueclassicgaming.blogspot.com

I've been accused of being a Nintendo fanboy. I actually don't deny it. Hell, it's fair. I'm a Nintendo booster. It's the company that my interactive entertainment roots were planted in. With few exceptions, Nintendo has usually always provided the top games of each generation since the NES came around. Any game Nintendo is willing to publish, regardless of who developed it, must be exceptional. I'm crazy I guess. I own every single game Nintendo has ever published in North America. No exceptions. If Nintendo published it, I own it, I've played it, and I've usually loved it.

But... nobody is perfect.

And so, today I bring you the worst of Nintendo. And these are games where Nintendo is to blame. There will be no Phillips CD-i games here, even though you can blame Nintendo for those ones in a short-sighted kind of way. Of course, you might as well blame Nintendo for the PSP while you're at it because using such logic the crappy PSP wouldn't exist if Nintendo hadn't double-crossed Sony in the early 90s which led to the creation of the Playstation which later led to the creation of the Nintendo punching bag that is the PSP. You also won't find Mario is Missing! or it's likes on here. And quite frankly, Mario is Missing wasn't a bad game. That's right, it needed to be said. Mario is Missing! is a perfectly good edutainment game. Granted, it was marketed in a dishonest way so that unsuspecting players and parents would not know it was a educational game. As far as gameplay goes, it's no worse then Carmen Sandiego, and a lot better then the boredom simulator known as Oregon Trail that retards of my generation convinced themselves was fun. "I'm playing a kind of video game in school! Dude! Classic!"

What you will find here are the stuff that Nintendo funded themselves and published under their label. This will include some games not developed by Nintendo themselves. I defined a Nintendo game as a game that Nintendo paid to have created. Most of the stuff on here was created by Nintendo themselves anyway, but I thought I would give that warning up front for those hopeless Nintendo apologists who will be all uppity at me for including Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire on this list. And it's on here. And it sucks. Yes it does.

Alright, bring on the crap.

#10: Baseball
Developed Nintendo R&D1 (Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong Jr, Mario Bros, Popeye)
Release: 1983 (Japan Famicom) 1985 (NES), 2002 (E-Reader), 2007 (Virtual Console)

If anything else, Baseball proves that Nintendo has no shame. Nobody in their right mind would have called Baseball a good game in 1983 when this pile of shit hit the Famicom in Japan. Yet Nintendo has had the nerve to release it another three times. How bad is it? Pretty awful. Damn near unplayable. Outfielders move like they're shackled at the ankles while wearing cement shoes, while base runners, although animated to look like they've suffered a stroke, can move so fast that they can reach home plate before the ball even lands. And it usually lands right in the outfielder's glove, making your base-running marathon a big cock tease. Part of the problem is no effort at all seems to have been spent on balancing the size of the diamond with the rest of the playfield. If you somehow manage to hit a line drive into a bare part of the outfield, you'll almost certainly get a triple out of it, and with no luck needed, possibly get an inside the park homerun. The graphics are bad, even by the standards of the era, and the gameplay is actually a step down from Major League Baseball on the Intellivision, and that's just pitiful. The fact that Nintendo actually had the nerve to re-release this TWICE in this decade, for money instead of some kind freebee gag gift, shows that they can be downright evil. I mean, Legend of Stafi isn't good enough for a US release, but Baseball gets released more then four times if you count Arcade and Gameboy ports? fucking scumbags. It would be cheaper to allow players to experience NES baseball by actually playing baseball after huffing paint and filling their underwear with cement. More humane as well.

#9: Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire
Developed by Lucas Arts
Release: 1996 (Nintendo 64)

Save your e-mail, Star Wars nerds and Nintendo apologists. I don't want to hear it. If you like this game, you either are blindly in love with Star Wars or you played Shadows of the Empire at an impressionable age where your brain hadn't developed to the point where it could recognize processed crap. Even though it might be able to now, you'll still convince yourself that Shadows of the Empire was a good game like a woman who tries to convince herself a date-rapist will call her back in the morning. Shadows is NOT calling you back. And what a tease this game is. It starts off with what is legitimately one of the best opening levels in a video game, a recreation of the opening battle of Empire Strikes Back. It's fun and hell, I would even say it holds up today. BUT WAIT~! Because 50% of the game is not a vehicle based shooter, but rather one of the crappiest Doom clones ever made. You control some loser named Dash Rendar, which sounds like the star of a gay porno movie, and you fuck-up your way through unplayable sprawling maps and hoping like hell you don't step within twenty feet of a cliff, because if you do you will somehow slip and fall to your death. And even if you don't give up after the first of these sequences in hopes of another fun mini-game like the Hoth level, you're still shit out of luck because the controls in most of the other vehicle shooter levels are broken. I almost didn't include this game on my list because it was developed by Lucas Arts, but then I discovered that Nintendo 100% staked them on this game so they would have exclusive rights to a Star Wars game around the time the Nintendo 64 launched. Lucas Arts as a result trashed a point-and-click adventure they were working on for the PC in favor of this shit. Shadows was later released on the PC with slightly improved visuals but the gameplay itself was still broken. Combine this with the fact that the game is, by default, worse now because of the 5th Generation Curse and I'm honestly feeling a bit guilty for letting it slide with the #9 spot on the list.

#8: Urban Champion
Developed by Nintendo R&D1
Release: 1984 (Famicom), 1986 (NES), 2002 (E-Reader), 2007 (Virtual Console)

Another triple-dip by Nintendo, and for an even worse game if you can believe it. Most people name this as the worst game ever made by Nintendo. Obviously I'm not going that harsh, but Urban Champion is pretty bad. It's a 2-D fighting game, pretty much Nintendo's attempt to make a game like Karate Champ. A lot of early NES games are shallow, but Urban Champion sinks to new lows with a game so pathetically stripped down that it would barely qualify to be a microgame in the Wario Ware series... and funny enough, it is! Two guys duke it out. If you land a punch, you knock your opponent backwards. The object is to knock each other into a manhole. There's two type of punches, a fast punch and a heavy punch, which you can aim up or down. And that's pretty much it. Occasionally, some chick will poke her head out a window and throw a flower pot at your head, which is not very good edict for witnessing a street fight. You wait until AFTER the fight is over to bludgeon someone over the head from a height of 20 feet. How rude. Also, a cop will occasionally break up the fight and make you start over again. There's very little room for strategy. The game basically plays out like a Rock-Paper-Scissors done in half-second intervals. You don't really have time to think about how to play, so you basically just mash buttons and hope for the best. Every single Mario Party game has done the exact same thing, and yet Nintendo, as recent as January 1st of last year, was charging people FIVE FUCKING DOLLARS for the right to mash buttons. There is literally nothing else to do in this game but mash buttons, unless you count pressing the start button at the beginning of the game. I suppose you could find fun in it by using other body parts to mash the buttons, like your toes, your tongue, or the cheeks of your ass. Just remember to save the ass for last you sick bastards.

#7: Kirby Air Ride
Developed by HAL
Release: 2003 (Gamecube)

Kirby Air Ride is a testament to the can-do spirit of getting shitty games onto the market. Air Ride debuted as one of two tech demos on the day the Nintendo Ultra 64 was unveiled to the public on November 24, 1995. It didn't get much attention, mostly because the hundreds of people at the trade show gathered around Super Mario 64, the other game that was shown. Those who didn't want to wait six hours to play Mario 64 for ten minutes gave up and tried Kirby Air Ride, a cute racing game starring the pink cloud of fluff. Those who did called it one of the worst games ever shown at Nintendo's Space World (Shoshinkai) trade events. Nintendo quietly cancelled the game, and what was completed of it sat in the can for eight long years. Fast forward to late 2002. Nintendo doesn't have any first-party games to release, remembers Kirby's Air Ride was pretty much complete, and gives it the go ahead to be ported to the Gamecube. Released in October in North America, I was shocked to find some of my favorite critics actually liked it, so I picked it up myself. Big mistake on my part, paying $50 for a game that might as well be called "Kirby Hold Down A and Pray!" The controls are broken on pretty much every level, mostly due to the fact that everything except the limited steering function is mapped to the A button. You use A to build up speed boosts but also to break. If that alone doesn't throw you through a loop, the A button also serves as the button you use to eat your enemies. BUT WAIT~! THERE'S MORE! Once you eat the enemies, you also then have to press the A button to use their abilities. I get that Nintendo designed the Gamecube controller to have the A button be very large, but apparently Nintendo didn't trust anyone to be able to find the other three face buttons or the two shoulder buttons. If you needed any further proof that Nintendo thinks every one of their customers is an idiot, look no further. But what really befuddles me is how so many critics gave this game passing marks. An average of 7 out of 10 from EGM. 7 out of 10 from Game Informer. IGN and Gamespot were a little more critical, giving it roughly a 5 out of 10 each. 1up.com, a surrogate of EGM, had the balls to rightfully call the game crap and give it a 4 out of 10, while EDGE gave it a 3 out of 10. Even those scores seem generous. But I guess if you need a game that gives you a proper tutorial on use of the A button, you could do much worse then Kirby Air Ride. Then again, you can get the same experience by booting up the Gamecube and messing around in the system's main menu. Whoops, nevermind... it uses the B button too.

#6: Zoda's Revenge: StarTropics II
Developed by Nintendo IRD (Punch-Out!! Series, StarTropics)
Release: 1994 (NES)

Anyone who's talked with me for any small amount of time about video games knows that I practically want to marry StarTropics for the NES. It's easily my favorite game ever that doesn't have "Tetris" in the title somewhere. So when I was 12 and word arrived that a sequel was on the way, I was positively wired for it. I mean I had dreams about it. I was so excited. Sure, the previews looked pretty bland, but they're just pictures! So, on my thirteenth birthday, June 4th, 1994, I was given Star Tropics II, now titled "Zoda's Revenge" along with a nasty case of the Chicken Pox. But I figured, no big deal. Even sick as a dog and covered in pock marks, there's no way I can not have a good time today! Turns out, I was better off with the Chicken Pox. Zoda's Revenge is total dogshit. Gone is the exotic tropical settings, replaced by some of the most drab environments possible to draw on the NES. The cool weapons like the Yo-Yo are also gone, replaced by a infinite supply of flimsy slow battle axes that you throw. You later upgrade to other flimsy weapons like a dagger and a katana, which again, you throw, not swing. The cool pressure-sensitive buttons in the dungeons return, but there isn't as many of them, and nowhere near the same amount of puzzles. It's like they dumbed the concept of the game down, which is really strange because sequels usually cater to the fanbase of the original. But even with the concept dumbed down, the game is much harder because you now have free-range jumping. It sounds good in theory, but jumping is so floaty that you're almost certain to unfairly land in the water. The multi-terraced dungeons don't help either, and neither does the ability to jump diagonally. And just to let you know what a pile of shit this is, the first level isn't a level at all but rather a quick static-screened cut scene. The second level starts you off with RANDOM BATTLES! Honestly, random battles! In a StarTropics game! Who decided this was a good idea? The storyline, which sees Mike Jones traveling back in time to meet such historical figures as Sherlock Holmes and Merlin, is one of the main reasons why the dungeon design is so bad. Every level is themed to the time Mike Jones travels backwards into, and as such everything is designed around the gimmick instead of having the gimmick be based around the game design. It's reverse-logic thinking. And I can't stress enough how dreary the graphics are. While everything in the original was bright and colorful, Zoda's Revenge is dull and lifeless. And the music is so bad you'll want to stick bananas in your ears. It makes me wonder why Nintendo even bothered. The Super NES had been out for three years at this point and one would think if they were intent on making a new StarTropics they should have made it on the SNES. Then again, maybe Nintendo secretly hated StarTropics. Maybe it was the red-headed stepchild of their franchise family, the one with the blandly designed hero, but the game design was good enough that people might start to talk about the series more then Legend of Zelda or Mario, and it simply had to be eliminated. That's the only logical reason I can see for putting this pile out into the marketplace. That and Nintendo's undying hatred of us all.

#5: Donkey Kong Barrel Blast
Developed by Paon (DK: King of Swing, Donkey Kong Jungle Climber)
Release: 2007 (Wii)

The only Wii game on this list (although Wii Play came close), Donkey Kong Barrel Blast began life as a bongo-based game on the Gamecube but was quietly cancelled when the motion-controlled machine caught fire. Revived on Wii, bongo-controllers replaced by Wii-Remotes, you'll instantly flash back to memories of Kirby Air Ride. Only Barrel Blast is even worse. You wave the nunchuck-Wiimote furiously up and down, and if anyone happens to walk into the room while you do this you have to avoid blushing and explain to them that you're not wanking off. There's little to no freedom in movement, as you basically just move forward, as if you were playing a rail shooter. The challenge is apparently trying to achieve maximum speed, which doesn't actually feel fast, but at least a meter on the screen tells you it is so that counts for something I guess. To make turns, you sort of arch the controller in a downward fashion, which is kind of the same way you build up speed. It's incredibly stupid and imprecise and leads to many collisions with objects, and it doesn't help that collision detection doesn't seem all that accurate either. Occasionally I passed right through objects, and at other times I *know* I missed the object but the game still registered an impact. A few critics, namely all of them, bitched about the game using rubber-banding AI, but quite frankly every kart-racer game uses rubber banding. There's so many other things wrong with Donkey Kong Barrel Blast that bitching about something that's present in every similar game the genre has ever seen is downright nit-picky. None of the course designs are particularly clever. In fact, I would say they're so bland that they were likely slapped together at the last second, along with the control scheme. And why couldn't just keep the bongo support intact? I mean, it was already programmed into the game when they began the port to the Wii, and the Wii has the Gamecube ports right in the side of the damn machine. The only reason I can think of is Nintendo is angry at the under 10,000 people who bought Donkey Kong Jungle Beat before it got clearanced out for not spreading the word about it good enough and wanted to punish us. That must be it. After all, it couldn't possibly be the fact that Nintendo showed no balls themselves when it came to marketing Jungle Beat, just like they showed no balls in marketing Eternal Darkness or Pikmin 2 or Odama. Nintendo has balls to spare, and they'll prove it by sending Reggie Fils-Aime to your house with a roll of measuring tape.

#4: Pokémon Stadium, Pokémon Stadium 2, Pokémon Colosseum, Pokémon XD: Gale of Darkness, and Pokémon Battle Revolution
Developed by HAL (Pokemon Stadium 1 & 2), Genius Sonority (Colosseum, Gale of Darkness, Battle Revolution)
Release: 2000 (Stadium, Nintendo 64), 2001 (Stadium 2, Nintendo 64), 2003 (Colosseum, Gamecube), 2005 (Gale of Darkness, Gamecube), 2007 (Battle Revolution, Wii)

Yes, I said Donkey Kong Barrel Blast was the only Wii game on this list, but that wasn't a lie because Battle Revolution is the EXACT SAME GAME as Pokémon Stadium on the Nintendo 64, and since I didn't want to write five different entrees for five crappy games, I decided to lump all the Stadium games together. Because they are all the same stripped down Pokémon game, only twice as expensive as the fully-realized handheld games they serve as backups for. That's right, backups. That's pretty much the main function of Pokémon Stadium, to backup your collection of characters. Oh sure, you can play an ultra-stripped down battle simulation using those characters if you wish, but why do that when you can just use the same characters to fight actual enemies and earn actual experience points in the actual game? Imagine if some other game company did the same thing! If Square-Enix made a game called Final Fantasy Stadium where you took your party from Final Fantasy XII, removed all the RPG elements and simply had them fight one battle at a time, you would think Square-Enix had gone bat-shit crazy. Nintendo apparently heard these criticisms and decided instead of making a full-fledged console version of Pokémon, they would farm out the Gamecube version of Stadium to a startup group of hacks called Genius Sonority. That way someone else would get the hate mail. Genius Sonority (or Snore-ity as I call them, ha, the wit) thought the best way to tackle this situation was to add something that vaguely resembled an RPG to their versions of the game. Only they played nothing like the Pokémon games they were leaching off of, and were in fact thinly-disguised versions of the same non-game game that the N64 stadiums were. Gale of Darkness was supposed to be something of an original console RPG version of Pokemon, but nobody was really surprised when it was basically the same game as Pokémon Colosseum, only slightly prettier and with more dialog. I imagine part of the design process involved someone yelling out "I can still tell it's not a real game! Just keep piling on more dialog! It'll look like a real RPG soon!" With Pokemon Battle Revolution, they seemed to have given up on trying to market it as a new game and just basically said "Play Pokémon... online!" And it apparently worked. I didn't include Pokémon Box on this list because it's not really a game either but at least Nintendo didn't try to market it as such. They basically said it's a storage device for your creatures, nothing more, and I can respect that. Plus it's going to be worth boatloads one day. Anyway, if you've played one of these games, you've played them all. Stay tuned for the next installment, "Pokémon Fuck You, Pay Up", coming to the Wii in 2008. Actually, it already hit in the form of a game called My Pokémon Ranch, which I haven't played yet but judging by what I've read you might as well pencil it in as the 6th game to be listed #4 on this list. At least it's cheap.

#3: Hey You, Pikachu!
Developed by Ambrella (Pokémon Dash, My Pokémon Ranch)
Release: 2000 (Nintendo 64)

I'm not sure exactly what Nintendo was trying to prove with Hey You, Pikachu, but I can't help but notice the strange coincidence that Seaman for the Sega Dreamcast had recently released for the Sega Dreamcast around the time Nintendo came out with this. Actually, Pikachu came out in 1998 in Japan, seven months before Seaman arrived. That said, it's still a rip-off. Seaman spent years in development and was highly anticipated. Pikachu came out of nowhere and was likely developed in a very short amount of time. And where Seaman is articulate and shocked the hell out of me by knowing about the movie Back to the Future, Pikachu can only say the words "Pika", "Chu", and "Pikachu." That's two words less then my dog can say ("Bark", "Ruff", "I", "Love," "You," I kid you not). Granted, the point of Pikachu isn't to be psycho-analyzed by the damn thing, but rather for you to bark orders at the overly cute little critter while he sssslllllooooowwwllllyyyy performs mundane tasks like watering a garden and fishing. It's basically a virtual pet game, and that would be great if the game actually understood your commands. And for some people, it does just find. But if you have any kind of accent in your voice, don't bother. And although this game is marketed to children under the age of 10, it has problems with them as well. My kid sister had this game when she was nine. She had no accent and spoke very clearly. Yet this game could not understand a single word she said, and when it can't do that Pikachu gets pissed off at you. The point of the game is to develop a friendship with it, but you can't get "Pika Points" when it's angry at you, nor can you get it to follow any of your commands. Like almost any voice-recognition based video game, the design is broken. But at least with Seaman the game didn't punish you for taking 20 tries to finally spit out "Hello" in a way the game could understand. The sad thing is, I actually wanted to like this game. There's something undeniably loveable about Pikachu, at least for those of us that don't harbor a blind hatred for all thing Pokémon. Having this game was going to be the closest I could get to owning a pet Pikachu, at least until scientists figure out how to genetically modify the appearance of a dog.

#2: Pokémon Channel
Developed by Ambrella
Release: 2003 (Gamecube)

This is a game about watching Pokémon watch TV. Seriously. Oh sure, there are one or two points in the game where things are almost interactive, but otherwise this isn't even a friggen game! In this sequel to Hey You, Pikachu!, you toss out the microphone in favor of a cursor. Although this works 100% better then a microphone, there is almost nothing interactive about most of the Pokémon Channel experience. The idea is Professor Oak has drafted you and your Pikachu to be the test audience for a new Pokémon cable system. So you watch the shows and... that's pretty much it. Sure, you can explore the area outside of your house in limited intervals and chat with wild Pokémon, but that will last only a few minutes before Pikachu gets pissed and demands that you go back inside and watch an anime called "PichuBros" for the one hundredth time. Like Hey You, Pikachu, your goal is to keep the little electric rat happy. The only way to do this is to keep him fed and in front of the television. And that sucks because there is high potential for fun in this game if only you could actually do exploring. You can't. You're glued to a television, watching Pikachu watch an aerobics show. None of the dialog here is particularly witty and all the attempts at camp are lost. If the show had featured most of the writing staff of the cartoon, it likely would have at least been entertaining in the way a good interactive DVD is. But only the PichuBros short that you have to watch, without hyperbole, at least a dozen times was conceived by the show's staff. There's no humor even on an ironic level here. At least in Hey You, Pikachu you could have fun by tricking Pikachu into running face first into a door. Here you can make him trip over a banana peel, but what's the point? If you do it he'll get angry and demand that you turn on PichuBros again. I don't understand why Nintendo keeps going back to Ambrella. I can't think of a single reason, so I'm just going to assume the Yukaza is somehow involved. They haven't made a single game that's critically acclaimed. Hell, they haven't made a single game that hasn't been universally shat upon. And the only game they've made that didn't make this list in one form or another is Pokémon Dash, which only avoided inclusion by being barely better then Baseball.

Before we get to the #1 game, which I'm sure you're scratching your head over, here's some other stinkers that were under consideration but ultimately were not included.

-Pokémon Dash (Nintendo DS, 2005): You can mark this off as the #11 game on the list. It was really, really close. Ultimately, I decided that stroking a stylus in four different directions was more fun then playing something vaguely resembling America's Pastime as preformed by stroke victims.

-Donkey Kong Jr. Math (NES, 1985): I know, this one gets a lot of hate. You know what? As a multi-player game it's not bad. Sure, math is never really fun but if you grew up hanging out with a lot of Mensa types, this was the type of game you would play to prove you're smarter then someone else. Not too much smarter because you're playing a crappy game, but still...

-Volleyball (NES, 1987): Another stinker sports game, but not quite on the level of Baseball, which as previously established, was the #10 game here. Anything else had to be worse.

-Stack Up/Gyromite (NES, 1985): The truth about these games that nobody really tells you is that if you play them with the R.O.B. robot, they're actually pretty fun. Gyromite especially. I would love to see some kind of revival for it, but that will never happen.

-Cruis'n USA (N64, 1996): I really, really wanted to include Cruis'n USA on this list, but the truth is although it was published by Nintendo, they didn't really pay to make it. It was totally produced and funded by Midway, who simply hadn't worked up the balls at that point to publish their own stuff on consoles. So off the list it goes, because otherwise it would have been #1.

-Wii Play (Wii, 2007): Likely should be included, but really this is more of a tech demo being given to you for $10 when you buy a Wii-Remote at normal price. And besides, I think the Tank game borders on fun.

So, what is, for my money, the worst game ever published by Nintendo?

#1: Mario Pinball Land
Developed by Fuse Games
Release: 2004 (Gameboy Advance)

I love pinball and I love Mario, so logically I wanted to love and possibly mate with Mario Pinball Land. And instead, Nintendo handed me the worst game they ever made. Mario Pinball Land is broken in every way possible. This was the first commerical game developed by Fuse, so at least they have an excuse, but I can't believe Nintendo green-lighted this for release. Didn't anyone actually test it? The physics are all wrong and feel too heavy on gravity. This is really made painful by the fact that every board is circular and thus you'll spend 90% of the game flinging the ball (Mario squished into being the ball himself) around the room in one big circular motion. The flippers are too small and the ball too large, which means you're either launching the ball off the tip of the flipper or the dead center of it. Skill shots should be renamed 'luck shots' because you're going to need it to actually hit them. It's one of the misunderstood quirks of pinball among people who don't play a lot of it. Pinball is not random, but rather totally skill based. If you know what you're doing, you can ring in highly difficult shots and nail seemingly impossible targets. Video Pinball, to this point, had not been very good at simulating real life physics. They're getting better. But with Mario Pinball, they were so limited by technology that they should have at least made some effort to improve the flippers so at least you could launch Mario off at more then three different angles even if it meant using some kind of artificial computer assistance in helping the player, something I'm rarely in favor of. Even with all the physics problems, this wouldn't be so bad if the boards had some life to them, but they don't even have that. They wanted to make a game the played like Mario 64, only have it be a pinball game. Epic failure. Every 'board' pretty much plays out in single-screen format with two, maybe three things to shoot at. Half the time you'll hit a target, only you don't have enough speed built up and thus not actually hit the target, even though you do hit it. I get the impression that most of the problems with Mario Pinball are due to the shape of the boards, which cause that circular motion as previously mentioned. But the gravity and flippers are so poorly designed that common pinball techniques like trapping and toe-shots are impossible. Nintendo and Fuse clearly missed the point in what players expect from video pinball games. If people wanted an epic quest, they would play a game that caters that form of gameplay. Now, after spewing out a list of the ten worst games ever, we get a happy ending. Because Fuse actually learned from it's mistakes. It's next game (and apparently last game), Metroid Prime Pinball (2005, Nintendo DS), righted every wrong that was done in Mario Pinball. The physics? The best video pinball had ever seen. The gameplay? Classic pinball with a Metroid theme, instead of Metroid done with a pinball theme. It's the best video pinball game ever made, including the recent Pinball Hall of Fame: Williams Collection. So Fuse, I salute you for being a company that actually strives to make improvements. You've been quiet for three years, and judging by sales numbers of Metroid Prime Pinball I'm guessing you've passed away, but if not I look forward to all your future products. You've made the worst game Nintendo ever published, but proved that you at least learned something in doing so. Unlike a certain company that will not be named (cough, Ambrella, hack).

Adventures of Tom Sawyer

Adventures of Tom Sawyer
Platform: NES
Published by Seta
Review by Charlie Reneke

Adventures of Tom Sawyer is pretty standard NES 3rd party platform stuff. The production values are slightly better then average but the play control is busted. And man, Seta couldn’t have picked a license that children would care less about if they tried. A Mr. Rodgers game would have gone over better.

Graphics

Tom Sawyer features bright and colorful graphics stacked on top of static backgrounds. Actually, the first level looks really bad, until you get to the boss. Further levels at least make the game look like some effort was spent producing it.

Rating: ***

Sound

Tom Sawyer has a few different songs, none of which are particularly catchy, but nothing too bad either. The sound effects all pretty much suck, especially the ‘duhdudduh’ sound you hear when you die. And considering how often that happens, you’ll want to cut your ears off, it’ll grate on you that much.

Rating: **1/4

Play Control

This is where the game starts to fall apart. Tom jumps like he has a bag of sand tied to his feet. Although there’s not too many big gaps to jump over, you’ll occasionally want to jump over enemies and the various shit they shoot at you. Good luck with that. You launch rocks at enemies with the B button, but are given pretty much no control over what angle they fly at. They just kind of arc in at the enemies. If you have an NES Advantage, your best bet is just crank up the turbo and never let go of the B button. Except when you want to turn around, and even then sometimes the game just doesn’t want to make it easy for Tom to face the other direction. More problems are found in the overhead shooter section of the game. Yes, they actually put a poor attempt at doing Capcom’s 1942 in a Tom Sawyer game. In this case, you’re river-rafting down the Mississippi trying to avoid deadly frogs and stuff. Tom has to jump here too, and suddenly the jump controls have become ultra-floaty, and you can actually shoot the raft out from underneath you while attempting jumps. All complaints aside, Adventures of Tom Sawyer is far from the worst controlling game I’ve played, but it’s still broken.

Rating: *

Game Play

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer is one of those classic old school games where every type of animal is out to kill you and if one thing hits you, you explode into a cloud of dust and die. You can fight back by throwing rocks at things. As previously stated, you throw Rocks in an arching manner, which is good because most of the enemies want to swoop in from above at you. So naturally, Seta decided that there should be an upgrade to your weapon, a slingshot. If you have the slingshot, your rocks fly in a straight line. Sounds good in theory but in practice it’s actually worthless because the rocks only fly in front of you. So taking care of those enemies that swoop in at you is actually harder when you have the ‘better weapon.’ It’s not like having the slingshot makes your rocks more powerful. Most of the enemies are killed with one shot anyway. And those that are not don’t see to die any faster when you have the slingshot.
Enemies also drop either “T” blocks of “Skull” blocks. If you gather twenty T blocks, you get a free life. If you pick up a skull block, you lose ten of the Ts. Yep. As previously mentioned, Tom jumps like he’s weighed down by cinderblocks so avoiding those skulls becomes a huge pain in the ass. So as to make the game as much like Super Mario Bros as possible, enemies also occasionally drop a heart block, which acts like a star-man. You flash, the ‘you’re super’ music plays and any enemy Tom touches dies. You’re bound to find at least one heart block a level, usually near the end.

Most of the levels are side-scrollers, with one exception being the second level, the 1942 rip-off mentioned previously. If you’re a fan of cheap deaths, this is the game for you. Enemies who move faster then the human eye can blink swoop in at you from out of nowhere, leading to you exploding in a tiny cloud of dust. Add this with the crappy controls and you’re looking at one hard game.

Rating: *

Legacy

What legacy? The Adventures of Tom Sawyer is all but forgotten today. And hopefully it doesn’t find it’s way onto the Virtual Console and ruin 500 perfectly good Wii Points.

Rating: DUD

Bottom Line: There’s really not a whole lot to love with the Adventures of Tom Sawyer. Besides some nice graphics (especially the boss fights), the game feels unfinished. The broken controls and super-steep difficulty will make sure that most people don’t play past the second level.

Overall Rating: *

Super Metroid review

Super Metroid
Review by Charlie (Stablewars.com) 2/13/08
Platform: SNES
Developed by: Nintendo R&D 1 (Yoshio Sakamoto)
Published by: Nintendo 4/18/94

Legacy

The third chapter of the Metroid saga has been named by several publications as the greatest video game of all time. EGM named it so in 2002, eight years after it's release. In 2006, IGN's readers voted it the forth best game ever. IGN themselves named it #10 in 2005 and then #7 in 2007. Pretty remarkable legacy for a game that most would consider to be somewhat un-mainstreamish. I decided for my first game review, why not put Super Metroid to the test and see how well I think it holds up. I've only played through the game twice before in my life, once in 1994 when the game released and once in the late 90s/early 2000s. Needless to say, it's been a while.

Graphics

Super Metroid's 24-megabit cart was, at the time of it's release, the biggest SNES game to date, and it shows it. Compared to the static black background of the original NES game or the colorless worlds of Metroid 2 on the Game Boy, Super Metroid is like a marvel. The world of Zebes is very much alive and organic. The attention to detail was far and away higher in quality then anything released up to this point, and in my opinion was not eclipsed by the lifeless, pre-rendered backgrounds of the Donkey Kong Country games. Objects shimmer and shine, enemies change in apperence, and water drips off Samus as she exits the underwater level of the game. Special effects do tend to slowdown the notoriously slow SNES, but that's the fault of the hardware, and slowdown rarely effects gameplay. Animations are excellent throughout as well, with Samus moving very naturally and realisticly. Lots of awesome stuff happens as you eliminate boss characters, such as skeletons returning from the dead to attack you or turning into dust. It's very cool.

Rating: ***** If you want the best graphics on the SNES, look no further then Super Metroid. They're not gimmicky and they're not just for show. They serve a function and set a true atmosphere to enjoy the game in, without getting in the way or compromising the system.

Sound

I would guess there's well over a dozen tunes to listen to, and considering there are only six 'worlds' in the game (plus an opening sequence on a spaceship) that's a pretty hefty variety. At no time did I ever say to myself "Wow, this music is absolutely stunning!" It's not catchy, but it's still epic. The sound effects are somewhat limited. There's only a small sample of enemy noises, the sounds of the various missiles exploding don't fit the grand scale of their effect (especially the super missiles, in which the sound effect was achieved by slowing down the sound made of the normal missile). The super-bomb noise is quite memorable and does fit the scope of it's effect. There's even voice samples, as the opening two sentences are actually spoken. Plus, the last Metroid kind of screeches the word "Mommy!" It's neat.

***3/4 Ultimately, the music carries the sound department as most of the effects come off as pretty generic. Future Metroids would raise the bar in the sound department, but Super Metroid was content simply to be the best in the graphics department. The music is good enough to earn a higher then average rating.

Play Control

I have to say, at no point did I feel the controls of Super Metroid were natural. No matter the control setting, shooting and jumping felt mapped to the wrong buttons and switching weapons with the select button felt downright clunky at times. Movement is actually pretty solid, but at times jumping feels a bit floaty. Additionally, achieving a spin jump felt almost random. And then there's the issue of the wall jump. It feels almost broken. It's achieved through pushing the opposite side of the wall you're hitting on the D-Pad followed very quickly by the jump button. Sounds easy, right? Wrong. It's so difficult to pull off at times that it's maddening. And that's not hyperbole. I fell to the floor of my game room in emotional pain after multiple failures to scale a wall. After the emotional pain came the physical type as my thumb started to blister. The last time I used it, to get the Space Jump, I got so angry I actually broke a controller in a fit of rage, something I'm not prone to do when I play games. Upon replacing the controller, I attempted to scale the wall again, this time getting to the top... only to be hit by a monster at the top of the wall I was scaling. A cussing fit the likes of which are only heard on the docks followed. And if you're playing off the original SNES version and happen to have an instruction book handy, don't bother. It doesn't even cover the Wall Jump. Plus, the damn thing can only be done by using a spin jump, which as I mentioned before, seems to not happen at times almost randomly.
I had a friend growing up who could have been a professional Super Metroid player. He posted times under one hour for beating the game using various wall-jump tricks. He made it look natural. I never got it. Thankfully, future versions of the game (the GBA versions) corrected this awful play mechanic. The Wall Jump isn't the only issue, either. The shoulder buttons on the controller are used only for aiming your gun at angles, which seems a bit wasteful. I did use those angles for times like when I had the grappling hook, but otherwise they weren't neccesary. Other issues include using the power jump. Using the speed-shoes, once you've built up enough speed you can push down to 'Turbo Up' Samus and allow her to jump at a great height or to shoot yourself at an angle and crash through walls. However, actually pushing the down button while running to turbo up can become a test of patience as I found many times I was not hitting it fast enough or at the right angle. Again, using the shoudler buttons would have been more desirable to achieve this turbo effect. The actual jumping part itself can also lead to complications as the small delay in 'take off' of the super jump can result in you shooting off to a side instead of straight up. And everytime you finish a super jump by crashing into something, you lose a decent chunk of health.

**1/2 The controls are substandard. Unnatural, uncomfortable, and at times beyond frustating. The floaty jumping is something that you can overcome in any platform based game. However, issues like the turbo boost and wall jump can at times cripple the gameplay along with your hands. Granted, the main reason these actions are mapped out so poorly is because there's a ton of different things to do in Super Metroid and only so many buttons to do them with. That's a decent argument, but it doesn't entirely excuse Super Metroid. Dare I say, some of these features should have been cut. I'm willing to bet the Wall Jump almost was. Hell, maybe it was a last second addition to the game, which would explain why it's missing in the instruction book. Instead, it's explained to you by little green trolls who demonstrate it. They don't actually tell you how to do it, and you have to figure it out on your own. A green ostrich-like bird explains the power jump. Mind you, they don't actually tell you what buttons to push, just what it looks like when you're doing it. I would describe them both as semi-broken play mechanics and I'm willing ot bet that if the Metroid producers had one take-back, those features would be it.

Game Play

After busting the chops of the game's controls, I have nothing left to complain about. Despite not controlling as well as it could, Super Metroid is better then almost any game ever created. The world of Zebes is so huge and open-ended that you can beat the game without getting some of the weapons and tools found on it. Not only will you not miss them, but you won't even know they existed. Finding the various missile/super missile/super bomb upgrades hidden throughout the game always results in a moment of glee, moreso then finding various hidden treasures in Zelda games. So much crap is hidden in the game that I would be impressed if anyone could find it all without the use of any strategy guides or walk throughs. In playing through Super Metroid, I finished the game with a time of 4:42, having found 7 of 10 Super Missile packs, 28 out of 46 standard missile packs, and only 6 of 10 of the Super Bomb packs. Hell, I never even found the X-Ray scope! I forgot it even existed. And I never found the Wave Gun either. That's how much crap is stored away on Super Metroid.

And the main quest itself is something to behold. The object is to find and kill the four main bosses of Zebes. Along the way, you will upgrade your main gun, boots, armor, and morphball. You'll often upgrade three or four times between boss encounters. There's no puzzles to solve here... it's all action, guns blazing, pure platform goodness. The challenge comes in the form of navigation. Zebes is simply huge and finding your way around it requires the ability to figure out how to get from point "a" to point "b". It's not always easy. Even with maps provided to you by special in-game stations, you'll make your way to what you think is the entrance for the area you are going to, only to find a dead end. You can see the target you're going for, but you can't get to it, and you must find another way. Other times, you'll be within reach of an item only to find the floor crumble beneath you, only steps away from your target. You'll be pissed for a few minutes, but upon actually getting the item the sense of satisfaction is undeniable. You'll feel good as you complete Super Metroid. It's a wonderful rush to play through.

Backtracking is something that a lot of modern games get scored poorly for. I always found it a bit funny that EGM would call Super Metroid the greatest game of all time and then go on to bitch about games that require a lot of backtracking, such as Final Fantasy games or Devil May Cry. Simply put, you'll be backtracking a lot in Super Metroid. You will backtrack when you beat bosses, you'll backtrack for items you missed, you'll backtrack to reach new areas of the game. By time your mission is finished you'll be qualified to give a walking tour of Planet Zebes. Half the time you'll know exactly where you want to go and the best route to get there. The other half of the time, you'll be looking for the section you're missing that will allow you to pass through to the next zone. By time you find that route, an entire section of the map and it's various passageways will be commited to your memory. You can't help it. It just happens.

You'll notice one aspect while exploring Zebes... there's not a lot of save stations. In fact, I would say there's just enough to make the game pretty intense between visits to them. At times, you'll be sweating bullets, having collected so much stuff since your last save that you'll dread unlikely situations like the power going out, nevermind simply dying. And as you hazard your way through the game, you'll take a lot of damage and notice yourself low on life with no save stations (or the even more rare health stations) nearby. There are other methods to save yourself. Many rooms contain tubes where flying insects swarm up to divebomb you. You can shoot these guy one at a time until you've refilled your health, plus are your missiles and bombs. You'll get to know where these rooms are because you'll spend time there filliing up your health after every failed attempt to find the next route. But it never feels like a chore when you're doing it. That's one of the best aspects of Super Metroid... it never feels like you're doing busy work. Even the annoying as hell Wall Jump segments *feel* important, and not just something that you're doing because you have nothing better to do.

Not to mention the action isn't one-dimensional. You won't just be running and jumping. You'll end up spending a great deal of time looking for secret passageways, which usually lead to upgrades to your supply of missiles and bombs. The morphing ball will have you bouncing yourself using bombs looking for hidden passages. The grapple beam, found later in the game, will have you swinging off special blocks (and even enemies) to find more hidden stuff for your collection. At many times in the game, instead of killing enemies you'll be trying to use them to gain passage to other areas of the game. Using the Ice Beam, you'll freeze enemies to turn them into platforms. Sometimes, you'll have enemies burror through rock to help you advance further into the game. By time you're near the end of the game, you'll be using caution when dealing with enemies, wondering if you should kill them or use them. Or maybe use them and then kill them. Hey, they unfreeze at a certain point!

As previously mentioned, there are four main bosses to the planet Zebes, along with a few minor bosses. Most of these fights are intense and enjoyable, well above the scale found in other games of the era. You'll even encounter a version of Kraid similar to the one found in the original NES Metroid. A fan service, even before such a thing existed, that also serves as a way to throw you off before your encounter with the real Kraid. Upon seeing him, you'll understand that this is not the same Metroid you've dealt with before. Kraid is several screens tall and shoots the platforms you need to use to kill him out of his stomach. It's an intense fight that sets the tone for the ones you will encounter later. Another remarkable aspect is some of the bosses don't have a specific pattern that needs to be discovered before killing them. The underwater boss, for example. You can shoot him with your missiles and beat him that way. Alternately, you can allow him to grab you and then electrocute him by shooting an open energy port with your grapple beam. If there's any complaints about the bosses, it's that the final fight against Mother Brain is WAY too easy. Coming into it, you're fresh off a fight with Ridley who is pretty tough to beat. It feels like a letdown for the final boss to be such a wuss. On the bright side, upon beating her you're given three minutes to escape from the planet before it blows up, another callback to the original Metroid. It's funny, that Super Metroid is arguably the first 'fan service' game considering that it was not the most popular NES game.

***** There's no complaints here. Super Metroid is an absolute joy to take in and explore. You'll never find yourself bored with the action and the sense of satisfaction of making it through the game is felt time and time again with every new area discovered and every new item aquired. The feeling of "Ta-Da!" is felt so often you'll actual look forward to the next instance of it happening.

Test of Time

As of this writing, Super Metroid is fourteen years old and still feels as fresh today as it did in 1994. The graphics still hold up well... better in fact then most Nintendo 64 or Playstation games. And the gameplay holds up even better. In some ways, I was feeling like I had missed out by not replaying this game more often over the years. And at other times, I was happy I didn't. The fact that I was on only my third play-through in fourteen years meant that many aspects of Super Metroid were entirely forgotten. How cool the underwater sequence was, the boss fights, etc. It also confirmed to me that anyone going into this game fresh would enjoy it.

***** If this game was released today on the Nintendo DS, having never been released before, it would be a contender for Game of the Year. Normally, I would subtract points for having so many control issues, but the fact is you will ultimately force yourself to ignore them. Super Metroid is that compelling.

BOTTOM LINE: I wouldn't call Super Metroid the greatest game of all time, but it's up there with the very top 1% of games ever made. A showpiece for the SNES. A masterpiece of gaming in general. I doubt there's any gamer on the planet who couldn't find some aspect of Super Metroid to be likable. A few very small segments of the game will have you ripping your hair out. The rest is pure gaming joy.
Overall Rating: *****

Top 20 Sixth-Generation Video Games

The Top 20 Games of the Sixth Generation
by Charlie Reneke (trueclassicgaming.blogspot.com)
Completed May 22, 2008

#20: Pikmin 2
Gamecube
August 30, 2004
Developed by Nintendo
Low sales numbers seem to have killed the series, which really sucks. The first Pikmin was a well intentioned game but a bit of a disaster in execution. The fact that you were stuck with a time limit to complete the game destroyed chances for exploration. Pikmin 2 righted those wrongs, but the damage was already done. The concept is you play as a pair of spacemen who grow and multiply tiny, multi-colored creatures called "Pikmin", who you then use to fight enemies and carry items back to your ship. Pikmin 2 works much better then the original because, although you're still required to exit a stage before nightfall hits, you're not limited by any amount of virtual days. Combine this with randomized dungeons to explore and you have the makings of one fantastic experience, a real time strategy game and a collect-a-thon. And another unsung aspect of Pikmin 2 is it's fantastic two player battle mode. Sure, you can play a special co-op mode, but where's the fun in that? In battle, you are placed in randomized dungeons and made to race to be the first player to either capture your opponent's marble or the majority of gold marbles scattered throughout the level. If you haven't played Pikmin 2, it's worth a whirl just for the battle mode. Big fun and lots of laughs, especially when you end up facing off with your opponent on the battle field.

#19: Pac-Man Vs.
Gamecube (Ported to the Nintendo DS in the compilation "Namco Museum DS")
December 12, 2002
Developed by Nintendo

Here's a game you almost certainly did not play, and who can blame you? The game requires a Gamecube, three controls, a Gameboy Advance/SP (sorry Micro users), and a Gamecube to Gameboy cord. That said, if you owned all this hardware you could get the game for free if you went to a game store and asked nicely. You could also get a free copy by calling Nintendo, or by buying Namco's GCN games released around the winter of 2002. Still, the Gamecube wasn't exactly popular and GBA 'connectivity' even less so. Even if the game was designed by Shigeru Miyamoto himself, which Pac-Man Vs. was, it was sure to be skipped. And that's a shame. The concept is exactly what the title implies: it's Pac-Man done in battle mode. One player is randomly chosen to be Pac-Man and plays on the Gameboy Advance. They get a full view of the playfield and must eat up the dots. The other three players are the ghosts, and they use the Gamecube controllers and play on the television screen. Their view of the playfield is limited to a small section surrounding where they are currently located. If they catch Pac-Man, the round ends and the catcher becomes Pac-Man. This goes on until one player has scored the amount of points stated in the goal. As simple a concept as it is, this is one of the best times you can have playing a video game with your friends. And if all the players are skilled, it's downright amazing. It was recently re-released, sort of, on the Nintendo DS as part of that system's Namco Collection, so you have another chance to check it out. If you have friends with Nintendo DSs, please do so.

#18: Beyond Good & Evil
Playstation 2, X-Box, & Gamecube
November 11, 2003
Developed by Ubisoft

Another game that deserved better, BG&E did find some word-of-mouth success, but only after it hit the bargain bins. It's part action, part adventure, part stealth, and part puzzler. You play the role of Jade, a nature photographer who doubles as a spy trying to uncover the truth about an alien race that has taken over your planet. The game changes from Zelda-style combat to Splinter Cell type sneakery, tasking you to take out bad guys or take photos that will expose the true nature of the aliens and government. The plot is very deep and full of lots of twists. If any fault can be found, it's in the generic character design. That said, this is a pretty epic experience. Sadly, Ubisoft pretty much killed it on accident, positioning it's release date too close to titles that had more hype, including it's own games like Prince of Persia and Splinter Cell, both of which have not aged as gracefully as BG&E has. Thankfully, on May 15th it was confirmed that a sequel is in the works.

#17: Donkey Kong Jungle Beat
Gamecube
March 14, 2004
Developed by Nintendo

The first four games on this list were flops at the checkout line (well, Pac-Man doesn't count), with Jungle Beat easily doing the worst. And that's a shame because it really is the last good 2-D platformer to hit a console. Sadly, the game was labeled as 'gimmicky' because of the fact that you control the game using the bongo controllers that were included with music-game Donkey Konga. Now I myself had doubts about a game where you move Donkey Kong by slapping on the bongos, hitting both to jump, and clapping to grab objects. Foolish me, it totally works. In fact, after a little practice it becomes totally natural feeling. Hell, you'll end playing entire levels stringing together endless combos, shooting yourself from object to object and maybe not even hitting the ground. It's simply amazing. On top of that, you get some really neat boss fights that play in a variety of ways, such as bongo-ish version of Punch-Out!! You can still find it dirt cheap ($10 with bongos) at Gamestop. If you have a Wii, snag it. And here's a tip... since clapping sucks, just smack the side the bongo. It works.

#16: Okami
Playstation 2 (Wii version ported for 7th Generation)
September 19, 2006
Developed by Clover Studios

The first time I laid eyes on a preview of Okami, I knew it would be my type of game. Most people wrote it off as a Wind Waker wannabe, but that was really unfair. Granted, both games unfold like living fairytales, but Okami's graphic style easily blew Wind Waker out of the water. The beautiful cel-shaded environments of Okami are so good looking that they still look better then anything released on any of the 7th generation platforms. The fact that this was pulled off on the Playstation 2, the oldest and most underpowered sixth generation machine, is nothing short of incredible. No screenshot does Okami justice. It *is* a moving painting. But the game doesn't rest on graphical achievement. Like any masterpiece, the graphics only set the mood for what is one of the written stories of any adventure game. You play as Amaterasu, a sun god who takes the form of a legendary white wolf, and are charged with removing the curse on the land that was done by the demon Orochi. Many elements of the story are lifted from actual Japanese mythology, much like the God of War series uses elements of Greek and Roman fables. The game does unfold like a more puzzle heavy version of Zelda, but the gimmick is that puzzles are in part solved by the use of a magical paintbrush. You actually freeze the game to pull out this brush and 'paint' actions on the screen. When you unpause, your brush strokes will destroy objects blocking your path, create new paths, and kill your enemies. If this sounds like something you would see on the Wii, fear not, the brush controls work great on the PS2. Like many games on this list, Okami underperformed, but with it's recent re-release on the Wii (which apparently works as good or better on the new system), you have no excuse not to check it out.

#15: Mario Kart: Double Dash
Gamecube
November 17, 2003
Developed by Nintendo

Of all the games on my list, this one scored the lowest from critics, mostly because it's a rehash of a game that's been done many times ago. It's true, but Mario Kart Double Dash works on different levels then other games in the series. The double team aspect of the game with character-specific weapons works very well. Plus, this is the last Mario Kart game to have good track design. The DS and Wii entrees in the series, in my opinion, skimped on good track design and then Nintendo attempted to cover their asses by adding 16 'classic' courses, most of which are so forgettable and insignificant that I have to assume they were selected randomly. Despite the DS and Wii versions being online, this was the last Mario Kart game where battle mode was actually fun. Granted, the battle courses were a lot weaker then Mario Kart 64, but they were at least enjoyable and the mechanics weren't toned down so that casual newbs could PWN seasoned vets in online matches. Stuff that people complained about in Mario Kart DD were not fixed in the Wii or DS versions. Rubber-banding still exists and is actually worse then ever, the battle tracks aren't inspired, and the whole 'Mario characters in a racing game' gimmick is still as stale now as it was in 2003. And heck, this was the first Mario Kart that I actually liked to race multiplayer on the actual tracks instead of spending parties playing battle mode. Critics be damned, this was the last great Mario Kart game and one of the 20 most entertaining games of the last generation. And if you have the hardware to pull it off, 8-player LAN mode will make you the toast of the town.

#14: Final Fantasy X-2
Playstation 2
November 18, 2003
Developed by Square

The only true RPG to make this list (sorry KOTOR fans, I would rather gargle acid then play those self-congratulatory piles of shit again), Final Fantasy X-2 was the best of it's breed to be released since Final Fantasy 7 and the last good Final Fantasy game. Dumping the crappy battle system of FFX in favor of a faster-paced throwback to the classics in the series and improving on leveling aspects made me actually take interest in it, which is remarkable because I hate RPGs. The story, a fantasy political thriller, is well told but not at all heavy-handed. This isn't the type of social commentary that beats you over the head to make a point. It's almost done in 'wink wink' style, and so you can feel free to progress through the story without having to sit in quiet reflection of your own life. Video games are escape from reality, so why do RPG's have to act like they were written by Michael Moore? The graphics are pretty good, not spectacular, but the score thankfully was altered to actually fit the setting of the game, shunning epic symphony in favor of technoish J-Pop beats, something that many critics bitched very loudly about. And the two main songs are really good and very catchy. Yep, I said it. And centering the game around three girls was also a pretty bold move. A move that likely cost the game some sales because most RPG players are in fact as big of sexless nerds as the media makes them out to be. The guys who bitched about Final Fantasy X-2 being a 'chick's game' will never in their entire lives get laid because they're either too ashamed to admit they're gay or they're so prudish they wouldn't know pussy if it sat on their face and wiggled. Sadly, Square pissed away any good will they had won with me from Final Fantasy X-2 by following it up with the sleeping pills that were Final Fantasy XI (which proved Square-Enix is WAY out of their league with MMORPGs) and the paint-drying warm up act that was Final Fantasy XII.

#13: God of War II
Playstation 2
March 13, 2007
Developed by Sony

If you're wondering where the original God of War is on this list, fear not. I actually liked it better and thus it ranked higher. Which is not to say God of War II is worse then the original or was even a letdown. It wasn't. But the sense of awe from the first didn't carry over as well to the sequel. Now that I've explained why GOW II doesn't rank as high, let me tell you why it ranks at all: It's one bad ass game. It's a brawler done right, proving that the genre still has legs. Combat is as fun (and blistering) as ever, but the game has more emphasis on puzzles, which is what I'm in to. The plot is a little weak in my opinion, as they could have done a lot better then "Kratos doesn't fit in" which doesn't exactly feel inspired but that's just me. Most people like it. There are more boss fights this time around, but I actually enjoyed them less then in the first GOW. I also didn't care for the rail-shooter aspects that felt like a tacked on version of Panzer Dragoon or Star Fox. One of the problems with sequels is companies think that they have to pile in as many genres as possible to keep the game fresh, instead of actually improving or evolving aspects of the core gameplay. Hopefully they don't fall into the trap too deep with GOW III, but I suspect they will.

#12: Super Mario Sunshine
Gamecube
August 26, 2002
Developed by Nintendo

Yeah, I know. It was a crappy attempt at capturing Mario 64's lightning in a bottle. It never bothered me. I think if they had used more settings for the game then endless tropical islands, the game would have been more well received. Gameplay wise, Mario Sunshine was just as solid as Mario 64, and is posed to age a lot more gracefully as well. The squirt-gun is gimmicky, sure, and the 'clean up' missions did suck. But they were the only aspects that held the game back. If the mission didn't require too much cleaning up, it was usually fun. I'm talking about missions where you climb to the highest point on the map or try to gather up red coins. Those were fun and at times induced an amazing sense of vertigo. The only other mission types I didn't care for were the squid racing sequences. Those weren't too fun either. Using the water pack actually wasn't as bad as some made it out to be, and it actually added a lot to the game. The hover function, for example, greatly added both to the ease of platforming and the tension of it at the same time. And you become so dependant on the hover that when it's taken away from you for the 'old school' platforming sections, you find yourself momentarily lost. It's brilliantly constructed. The sheer variety of Mario 64 is the only thing missing from Sunshine. Otherwise it would almost certainly be remembered as one of the best games ever made.

#11: We ♥ Katamari
Playstation 2
September 20, 2005
Developed by Namco

I would say this is the most random choice on the list, but then again I included Pac-Man Vs. You know what, it's my list, and I'm saying that We ♥ Katamari hooked me like few games of the last generation did. I was in love with the concept of Katamari Damacy and enjoyed it a lot, except the camera was occasionally bad and the controls weren't totally responsive. Those problems were fixed for this sequel, plus more levels were added, more secrets piled on, and the two player mode was improved. The original was infamous for it's sickly catchy music. It's even better (or worse, depending on your point of view) here. And the incredibly stupid yet charming story is really piled on here. Sadly, the series seems to have shot it's wad here. The PSP version was practically unplayable because of the machine's crappy button layout and the X-Box 360 version was unfinished, fully priced, had worse slowdown then any Sony version, and in order to unlock all the aspects of it you had to download extra levels which were already complete. Considering the game was WAY shorter then previous Katamaris, the only way Namco could have been more insulting was if they had gone door to door and spit in every buyer of Beautiful Katamari's face. At $5 a pop (some of which are just new versions of existing levels), that actually might have been nicer.

#10: Eternal Darkness
Gamecube
June 24, 2002
Developed by Silicon Knights

When Eternal Darkness was first shown for the Nintendo 64 as a preview, it was lambasted for it's poor graphics and the fact that it was clearly Nintendo (who financed the game for SK) trying to be hip and have a survival horror game of their own. After being stuck in developmental hell for several years, the game resurfaced on the Gamecube and shocked the hell out of everyone by being one of the most original and quality scary games to come along. And like many games on this list, chances are you never played it. With the exception of the graphics which are fairly average (and some shoddy voice acting), every aspect of this game receives the highest marks. Firstly, instead of having some lame clichéd story about zombies or some such nonsense, you get a very deep, very dark plot inspired by Cthulhu Mythos. You play as Alexandra Roivas who is locked in a mansion investigating the strange death of her uncle. She discovers a hidden room in the mansion and finds a book called the "Tome of Eternal Darkness." Through this, you relive the lives of all those who have possessed the book, most of whom Alexandra is a descendant of. The first chapter is set in Rome, circa 26 BC. You play as a centurion who travels into an underground cave and is given a choice between three cursed items. No matter which one you choose, you end up becoming an undead warlock, but your choice does effect how the remainder of the game players out, making subtle changes to the story and effecting how you can use magic later in the game. It doesn't significantly change anything, other then which main boss the centurion will be a bitch for. Following this chapter, you unlock new secrets in the mansion, find more pages to the Tome, and play throughout other stages in history. The story is brilliant and will keep you coming back for more. But the game is actually fun, so it's not a chore to finish it just to find out what happens. The combat is unique in that you lock-on to specific body parts to attack. The enemies can be fairly generic in appearance and at times lack a variety, but they really serve as window dressing to the amazing story and puzzle solving aspects. Granted, most of the puzzles are stuff along the lines of 'insert object into another object to open a door' type of things, which are clichéd but not really boring. That said, tension is very high and the game is legitimately scary. But one of the top aspects of the game is the fact that the more enemies you fight, the more insane your character grows. And when you go insane, the game starts to play YOU! Maniacal laughter is heard in the background, children laughing or crying, people moaning, chains clanking... total chaos. The camera starts to tilt to awkward angles. And that's just the surface type of stuff. Soon, the game starts to tell you that your control is unplugged, or pretends like it goes back to the Gamecube main menu and deletes all your save files. This is crazy shit! And no matter how smart you think you are, the game is bound to fool you at least once or twice during the course of it. If you have a Wii or a Gamecube and you missed Eternal Darkness, find a copy of it, wait until late at night, turn all the lights out and the volume way up, then try to act like a tough guy and not get scared. You'll fail.

#9: Kingdom Hearts
Playstation 2
September 17, 2002
Developed by Square

It's Final Fantasy mixed with Disney and it plays like a brawler. Hey, I'm in love. The game is the brainchild of Shinji Hashimoto, who came up with it after a chance meeting with some Disney executives inside an elevator. Playing as Sora and flanked by Donald & Goofy, you travel across various Disney themed worlds attempting to reunite the universe and get back together with your friends. Along the way, you're joined by various Disney heroes like Aladdin, Hercules, and Tarzan while your hack-and-slash your way through endless bad guys. The game feels more like a Final Fight type of brawler then a slasher to me, in part because the enemy design is fairly generic and repeats constantly throughout the game. That said, the control is pretty good, even if the camera has a tendency to swing wildly in the middle of action. It's fairly straight forward but has some advanced moves allowing you to string together combos. Your characters progress RPG style, leveling up and requiring you to equip them with new weapons and armor. And the story itself is really epic and doesn't feel gimmicked by the Disney stuff, and the voice acting is top notch, featuring most of the actual talent who contributed to the original movies and settings. The game is very large and loaded with secrets and plenty of stuff to find, and the story is good enough that you'll want to see it through to the anti-climatic end. The only thing I really didn't care for was the rail-shooter segments that bridge the gaps between the different worlds. These sections felt tacked on. Overall, Kingdom Hearts was one of the best epics of the last generation. Sadly, when it came time for the sequel a choice was made to take all the fun out of the original and basically re-release it like that. The story became extremely heavy-handed and cinemas interrupted the gameplay nearly every time you advanced to a new screen. Kingdom Hearts II was also extremely linear and had hardly any exploration or hidden stuff to find, and to let you know what a mistake you just made with your purchase, it featured one of the boring and drawn out opening segments EVER in a video game. It became such a chore to play through KH2 and the story had gotten so bad that I didn't even see it through to the end and have no regrets about doing so. Hopefully they'll right the wrongs in the future, but after KH2 (and the equally as bad Chain of Memories on the GBA), I'm not holding out much hope.

#8: Resident Evil 4
Gamecube, Playstation 2 (Wii version ported for 7th Generation)
January 11, 2005
Developed by Capcom

I'm actually not a fan of Resident Evil as a series. I think the three main games were very overrated and controlled like shit. Yes they did. They were 'jump scary' and important in their time, but none of them have aged particularly well. So I wasn't really looking forward to Resident Evil 4, but then I found out that the controls had been refined and that the fixed-angle zombie stuff was all done. So I gave it a try. Thank god. Resident Evil 4 is one of the best games ever. Cheap scares and artificial tension gimmicks like the Nemesis are replaced by an unnerving sense of dread as you navigate the European countryside looking for the President's kidnapped daughter. OK, the story is total dogshit, but the gameplay is nearly flawless. Forget everything you know about Resident Evil, because #4 is a brand new game with a brand new engine. Ammo conservation is replaced by heavy action and lots of shooting. Stealth elements are included and don't feel tacked on like they do in many other games. Gone is fixed camera angles, replaced by a vastly superior over-the-shoulder view when you aim your gun, something that you will spend most of the game doing. And you even get a laser sight on the gun so that you can actually aim now. And because the enemies are humans (who are controlled by parasites, but still...), they react realistically to being shot. Or as realistically as you can be in an action video game without taking the fun away. You can shoot a guy in the leg and he won't come at you as fast, something you might need to buy yourself time to deal with the rest of the enemies. Or it just makes it easier to walk up and blow his goddamn head off. Context-sensitive moments are also included, allowing Leon (the main character who still needs acting lessons) to interactive with his surroundings. Resident Evil 4 is really fun, and truth is it doesn't even feel like it's part of the series who's name it carries. It's something entirely original.

#7: Halo 2
X-Box
November 9, 2004
Developed by Bungie Studios

Let me start off by saying that I don't like first-person shooters. With the exception of Goldeneye and Perfect Dark on the Nintendo 64, I just can't get into them. But those games were multiplayer classics. Many weekends were lost to endless four player death-matches. I never even played the single-player modes on Perfect Dark. I used cheat methods to unlock all the guns. Call me weird, but I just can't find satisfaction in going around and shooting AI baddies. When the sixth generation hit, I didn't originally have an X-Box, only a Cube and PS2. I tried many times to find a replacement for Perfect Dark and kept failing. I actually didn't get an X-Box until Circuit City had blowout sale on many of it's games. After spending close to a thousand dollars to snag a couple hundred PS2, GBA, and GCN games, I felt weird leaving so many X-Box games behind. I'm a video game collector, you see. And I'm a completist too. So I decided to head back and grab the X-Box games just for the hell out of it. I snagged about 50 or so, and since I had so many games for it, I might as well buy the machine too. And I was really disappointed. A couple titles, like Voodoo Vince and Buffy the Vampire Slayer were just OK, but not spectacular. Then one day my friends rented Halo 2 and brought it over. To say we had a blast was an understatement. The next day, I went out and bought my own copy, deciding against waiting for the price to drop. But then I got sick of waiting for my friends to show up, so I signed up for Broadband internet and bought my first X-Box Live membership. That's how good Halo 2 is. Like Perfect Dark, I've never even touched the single player campaign. I don't care to. The online aspect of it is so fun that I easily spent more time playing Halo 2 then any other game of the last generation. And I'm not even good at it! I suck! But I can't stop playing! It's just plain fun, as long as you can avoid cheaters or quitters (a problem almost totally fixed with Halo 3). The object based games, with the exception of territories, are such a blast to play. And the maps are mostly all winners. The control is pretty flawless, and making a transition from driving a car to getting out and going straight into combat is seamless. Weapons are fairly balanced, even if the 'newb combo' plasma pistol/assault rifle two-hit-kill stuff was way overused. You can run and gun all day, but good teams will form strategies and stick with them, and the maps are so well constructed that you have incredible freedom to plan your route of attack. Halo 2 was my personal successor to Perfect Dark, and Halo 3 has pretty much replaced it on the grounds that there's a LOT less cheating (in fact, I've only been cheated out of one game out of 2,000 or so played online), a LOT less quitting (in Halo 2, turn-based games would practically end if your team didn't start offense because of all the quitters), and way more balance of weapons. That said, map design seems to have peaked with Halo 2, and none of the original Halo 3 maps nor any of the downloadable ones have been as good as, say, Headlong. So Halo 2 does stand the test of time, at least for now.

#6: God of War
Playstation 2
March 22, 2005
Developed by Sony

I've pretty much said everything I like about God of War in my section about it's sequel. It's a brawler that's done right within a great setting and tight controls. I liked the original better (and still do) because it feels more like a creation of love then marketing, like most original games that spawn a series do. Sure, after a while you lose that sense of 'awe' you get when fighting massive bosses and stringing together endless combos. But even upon repeat play-throughs you're going to have fun. That's because it's a great game. It's funny, the first time I saw God of War, without knowing the name of the game, I figured it was another entry in the lame 3-D Castlevania series. It looked a lot like Castlevania: Lament of Innocence. Thankfully, it plays nothing like it. Nothing in the God of War series comes across as generic. There's not a whole lot of 'stock' characters and cardboard enemies. And fighting in God of War doesn't feel like a chore. I don't think there were too many spots when I said "Oh great, more guys to kill" in a sarcastic manner. You can mix things up and be creative because the combat system is very open-ended. I think the boss fights in the original were more meaningful because there were a lot less of them, and the ones that are here feel epic, while a few in the sequel do come across a bit like busywork. Other then one incredibly brutal level at the end of the game (you know which one I'm talking about), God of War is such a pleasure to play through that I would say it's about as perfect as a game can get. Had the GTA series not taken off, God of War games would likely be the one series people would point to and say "That's the best new franchise the sixth generation gave us!" Granted, GTA wasn't new in the sixth generation, but it was totally reinvented. I do worry about the future of God of War. With every new entry in the series comes a new director and set of programmers. Working for Sony is very demanding or so I've heard, and each God of War has had heavy turnover with it's staff. That sounds bad, but maybe it's a good thing! A fresh set of developers could mean a fresh set of ideas. Hopefully the Kratos doesn't jump the shark but rather grab it by it's fin and beat it to death.

#5: Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Playstation 2, X-Box
October 26, 2004
Developed by Rockstar North

Grand Theft Auto III and it's offspring changed video games on a main-stream level. GTA San Andreas is so good that including Vice City or GTA III would be a waste of time. The first thing that took me back about San Andreas is how much stuff they crammed into one disc. The game is fricken huge. I mean really, really big. It's not just one city like III or Vice City. It's three cities, and each one is overflowing with stuff to do. Los Santos stands in for Los Angeles and is, for better or worse, the main setting of the game. San Fierro stands in for San Francisco, while Las Venturas stands in for Las Vegas. The main story follows a gang banger named CJ, returning from Liberty City after exile to attend his mom's funeral. You work to return your gang to top status by retaking territories, all while using RPG like upgrades to your main character. The main story, like most GTA games, is just window dressing. Being a sandbox, the game pretty much allows you to enjoy it's settings as you see fit. There are plenty of minigames to enjoy, and the crazy mayhem of just shooting a cop and seeing where it goes from there is always fun, though I wouldn't expect Mega 64 to parody particular gameplay aspect anytime soon. Again, one just tends to get overwhelmed by all the stuff in the game. Most guys I know love the game but admit they've never actually finished the story. And they don't care. They have fun killing time (and people) in Vegas or just causing random destruction. I have to say, the most remarkable aspect of the game, from my point of view, is all the myths that have sprung up around it. Is Bigfoot in the game? UFOs? CJ's mom's ghost? Following those developments has been fun, even if most of them have turned out to be bullshit. San Andreas isn't flawless. The RPG aspects that you use to build up CJ's body and skills are boring and take too much time, the graphics are fairly lackluster (although that's one of the reasons why they could fit so much content into the game) and the game's more serious tone is a step in the wrong direction, especially considering that most people play GTA just to create as much random chaos as possible.

#4: Metroid Prime
Gamecube
November 15, 2002
Developed by Retro Studios

Metroid Prime is proof that you should always give Nintendo the benefit of the doubt in their decision making process... at least when it comes to game development (using carts for the N64 and the company's online problems still deserve heavy bitching). Still, most people to this day talk about Metroid Prime with the kind of shock usually reserved for sports upsets. "Can you believe Metroid Prime didn't suck?" Here's a series that was extremely popular but had only three entrees in it between 1987 and 2002. Then Nintendo announces that the next game in the series will not even be developed by them, but rather a Texas based game studio that had a history of starting projects but never finishing them. In fact, Retro Studios had never even finished a commercial video game. But wait, it gets better! Retro chose to take the classic 2-D shooting and exploration and turn it into what looked a lot like a first person shooter. Oh no! Then, after two years of non-stop bitching and threats of boycotts, Metroid Prime was released... and cleaned house. Gamespot's Game of the Year. EGM's Game of the Year. Game Spy's Game of the Year. IGN's runner up for game of the year (Game of the Year from IGN being a PC game). And yes, it's that good. And yes, it's aged gracefully. Even six years later Metroid Prime is the best first-person game ever made. First off, despite being a first-person game that involves lots and lots of shooting, Metroid Prime is not a first-person shooter. It's an adventure game. In fact, it plays a lot like what I would think Legend of Zelda would if it was first person. And it also *is* a Metroid Game. Sometimes when a game makes a radical change like Prime did, it no longer feels connected to the original series. Zelda II for example, or Resident Evil 4. Metroid Prime *is* a Metroid game, and not just because it shares the same characters, items, and objectives. It retains the feel of the series, something I don’t think anyone would have predicted. You might even forget that you’re playing a fully 3D game, because the platforming is totally spot-on. I remember when I heard the first-person news for the first time, the first thing I thought of was Turok: Dinosaur Hunter for the Nintendo 64, where the jumping was very flawed and ruined the entire experience. In Prime, the jumping is perfect, so much so that at times I wondered if the game cheated to help you make them. It doesn't (at least I don't think so), it's just good programming. The graphics are stunning and were never really destroyed by anything on the X-Box, which is funny because it was supposed to be a vastly more powerful machine then the Gamecube. And the environment created for Prime is very much alive and makes the game feel like a real experience. The story isn't much to brag about, but the gameplay itself will suck you in and not release you until the game's conclusion roughly 15 to 25 hours later. Don't rush through Prime, sit back and enjoy it. A pair of sequels have been released and were pretty good, but couldn't hope to come close to the sense of wonder that Prime gave gamers. Do not miss it.

#3: Ico
Playstation 2
September 21, 2001
Developed by Sony

You don't play Ico as much as you experience it. It's a pretty minimalist game. You're given only a few scant details of a story. You play as a young boy who was born with a pair of horns on his head. It's feared that his presence is a curse on the land, so a group of Warriors locks him inside of a sarcophagus and abandon him inside of an ancient castle, leaving him for dead. But Ico escapes and meets with Yorda, a pale, almost ghostly girl who has shadowy demons trying to drag her into hell. You must lead Yorda out of the castle. That's pretty much it. It doesn't sound like much to go on, but what makes it work is how you'll try to connect the dots of the story inside your head. Is Yorda a ghost? Why else would these shadows (that look and move almost exactly like the shadowy creatures in the movie Ghost) want to get her? Why is Ico in the castle? Is he connected to this girl? Did they really leave him there to die? You won't get many answers to these questions, but somehow that feels ok. Gameplay wise, Ico plays out a lot like a 3D version of the Adventures of Lolo. There is very little combat (although the sections where you do fight baddies takes way too long because Ico is underpowered), so the majority of the game is spent trying to figure out how to get from point A to point B. But getting there isn't always as simple as finding keys. You'll have to jump, climb, swim, and plan every move out. But getting there yourself isn't enough, because you have to lead Yorda there, and she's not as athletic as Ico. Yes, the game is a giant escort mission, which are normally boring aspects of action games. But Ico isn't an action game. It's not even much of a puzzle game either. You'll never be stumped for too solutions, as if you sit back and think things through the answer will come to you. But as an experience, Ico is a must. The graphics are still good, although a bit jerky at times thanks to frame rate drop offs. It doesn't look as good as it did seven years ago, but the scope and scale of your surroundings is still bound to make you feel very, very small. At times, you'll experience a true sense of vertigo as you make nail-biting leaps of faith, and then upon reaching your destination you'll lose your sense of accomplishment once you realize that Yorda is still where you left her and there's no way she'll be able to get to you the route you took. Back to the drawing board. Ico is pretty short at only 10 hours or so and offers little instant-replay value, but having recently come back to the game after five years I found myself having as good a time now as I did in 2003. And truthfully, the game feels just long enough to not wear out it's welcome. Ico was the game that truly spawned the 'video games are art' argument. I get a lot of heat from my game-loving friends by taking Roger Ebert's side of the argument, that art isn't interactive and thus games don't qualify. With Ico, I'll make an exception, as you never actually feel like you're playing a game with it. It's something you're connected to, but you feel insignificant while doing so. So yes, Ico is a work of art, and a masterpiece at that.

#2: Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
Gamecube
March 24, 2003
Developed by Nintendo

Of all the videogame fandom controversies, Wind Waker's graphics are easily the stupidest. I know many people that say they will never play it on the grounds that it has cel-shaded graphics. I guess they consider it an attack against their manhood or something. To those that say they want mature-looking Zelda games or they won't play them, I say this: grow up. Wind Waker is not a measure of the size of your privates. It might be on the size of your brain though. Let me get this straight: you want a realistic game about a magical elf in a magical land who's looking for a magical princess and magical triangles? Okie Dokie. Most of those crybabies shut up when Twilight Princess came along, never mind that it had cel-shaded graphics during many parts of the game. But Wind Waker was still too childish for them. Well, their loss. Wind Waker is the best 3D adventure game ever made. I'm basically in Nintendo's back pocket, so it might surprise some to learn that I didn't care for either of the Nintendo 64 Zelda games. Foggy, pointy graphics, bland character design, and Ocarina of Time has an empty overworld. For me, Wind Waker was a return to form. It felt like a classic Zelda game done in 3D, something that for me was missing in the N64 titles. The graphical style is perfect for Zelda, as it makes you feel like a child on an adventure, which is kind of the point of the series. If I want gritty realism, I'll find a series that caters to that. Zelda shouldn't. And the gameplay is perfect Zelda. The dungeons are massive and awe-inspiring. Combat is fun and never feels like a chore. In Ocarina of Time, I tried to avoid the limited combat in the overworld. It just wasn't worth the effort. In Wind Waker, I sat out to kill every single enemy in sight and had a blast doing it. The sailing, which was one of the chief complaints among critics, was actually a highlight for me. Digging up stuff off the ocean floor and fighting giant squids was very entertaining. Sometimes I avoid side quests in games, but in Wind Waker I found myself almost scared to finish the game, so I went around doing them. And it didn't feel like busywork or a chore. I had a good time. With Twilight Princess, I found myself often saying "I'm supposed to be having a good time playing this, but I'm really not", and switching from the Wii version to the Gamecube version did nothing to help. In Wind Waker, I was more likely to say that Nintendo would have a hard time topping this. It doesn't offer a whole lot of innovation, but instead feels like an evolution of all the classic Zelda concepts. I'm not complaining. The mechanics are almost identical to Ocarina of Time, but the control feels more accurate and natural, while I never quite got used to Ocarina's scheme. Wind Waker is a true classic, and although it's one of the most successful games of the last generation, it's quite sad that so many people ignored it because they miss the point. You're not meant to feel like a bad ass in Zelda. You should play Zelda to feel like a little kid again, and that's what Wind Waker's best accomplishment is.

#1: Shadow of the Colossus
Playstation 2
October 18, 2005
Developed by Sony

I guess I should turn in my Nintendo fanboy membership card. Because, in my opinion, the best game that the sixth generation of home consoles had to offer came from Sony. Shadow of the Colossus is pure gaming joy. Created by Fumito Ueda, the man also behind the #3 game on this list, Shadow offers you another minimalist story. This time, you play as an unnamed hero usually called Wander or the Wanderer. He brings with him the body of a woman (usually called Mono) who was sacrificed because she was thought to be cursed. Wander is attacked by shadow creatures (sound familiar?) but quickly defeats them, in a cinema that was clearly done to let you know that this is connected to the game Ico. It turns out that Wander is there to revive the girl and heard that the forbidden land holds the power to do that. A mysterious voice tells Wander that to do so, he must slay the giants scattered across the land. There's no minor enemies in Shadow, so the game consists of 16 boss fights. If that sounds weird to you then you're not alone. It's made even weirder by the fact that the world of Shadow is HUGE. You don't do much but ride through it on your horse so it seems unneeded, but without it you would basically just be teleported from one encounter to the other and where's the fun in that? To find where you're supposed to go, you hold your sword up to the sun, which makes light beam off of it and point towards the location you're supposed to go. And when you get to your location, it's on. 14 of the 16 Giants of this game are HUGE! Two of them are barely taller then the hero, making me question why they were used in the game, but the ones that are big are scary. Your palms will sweat and you'll stand at a distance looking up and trying to figure out where to even begin. Thankfully, your sword also points at the spot you need to attack, which is usually located on the head of the Colossus and it's WAY out of reach. So, you will begin to climb and jump around trying to make your way to the soft spot. Tension grows, vertigo sets in, and the Colossus will try to shake you off. As you get closer, the music starts to pump an epic score. You finally get to the weak spot, raise your sword up, and jam in deep into the flesh of the Colossus. It moans and bucks and blood spurts out like an oil well. You repeat this a couple more times, and the beast is slain. You become overtaken by it's energies and pass out. When you wake up, you're back to the place where you started the game. There's no time to rest, because it's time to slay another giant. It sounds almost too simple to be a great game. But if I made it sound like fighting these monsters is easy, I apologize. The Colossi behave realistically, but might not seem like it at first. Remember, you're the size of a flea to them. They're all shaped differently and have different patterns of attack. In a way, Shadow of the Colossus plays exactly like what Mike Tyson's Punch Out!! would be if it was a sword fighting epic instead of a boxing game. Instead of Little Mac, you're a warrior, and instead of Bald Bull or Mr. Sandman, you're fighting a living mountain that's the size of the Empire State Building. You didn't need normal bad guys and treasure hunting to make Punch Out!! a great game, and Ueda seems to have figured that out. Other then a camera which at times seems to suffer a seizure, and a horse that you'll want to kill at certain points, I've got no complaints about Shadow. It's a beautiful game, beating the giants feels like an accomplishment, and at 10 to 20 hours, it's the perfect length. It's one of the best games ever made.

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